the last day of 2006…

the calendar year is changing tonight. in less than 9 hours, 2006 will come to an end and 2007 will breathe its first breath. exciting times!

i’m grateful for a big 2006. i learned many lessons - some gracefully and others the hard way. here are some logistical highlights:

january - ohio state played notre dame in fiesta bowl; biz trip to las vegas; left the ChIME program; biz trip to orlando

february - ellis paul concert; sigur ros, concert; attended MKP leadership training 1 weekend; my friend, karen, visited portsmouth

march - solas concert; biz trip to orlando; deep banana blackout concert; presided over ellen’s wedding in cincinnati

april - attended mother’s shadow workshop; attended training to become certified marital mediator in new hampshire; attended chaplain retreat for unity

may - first date with heather; mom and fred visited new hampshire; visited newport, ri for first time - great city; david wilcox concert; began walking for breast cancer 3-day; memorial day weekend in bar harbor, maine

june - milo z concert; biz trip to new york city; first red sox game at fenway; rode the v-star to laconia bike week; visited marblehead; biz trip to baltimore; my friend, dave, visited new hampshire; truth hurts (cousins’ band) concert

july - fourth of july weekend in newport, ri; bought my new motorcycle - 2005 yamaha fjr1300; my friend, karen, moved to louisville, ky; my cousin, chuck, moved to brooklyn; biz trip to chicago; condo where i live goes up for sale; my friends, pat and katie, visit new hampshire on annual family vacation

august - worked on the ‘crew’ at boston breast cancer 3-day; staffed my first MKP new warrior training adventure; drafted a mediocre fantasy football team

september - heather left for biloxi, mississippi; MKP event at sober in sun festival; rode the fjr1300 around lake winnipisaukee and across the kancamangus highway; trip to cincinnati to kayak with my friend, bill; kathie and steve visited new hampshire; trip to colorado for great american beer festival

october - milo z concert; harpoon octoberfest in vermont; visited my friend, melody, in burlington, vt - rode the fjr1300 for 700 miles that weekend; MKP annual gathering in rhode island; stepped into leadership role in MKP new england; heather visited from biloxi; cincinnati trip for u of cincinnati homecoming

november - staffed my second MKP new warrior training adventure; trip to san diego for breast cancer 3-day walk; walked 60 miles; heather visited from biloxi; spent thanksgiving in new england with my friend, lori, and her mother; was laid off from eclipse product development; heather returns from biloxi

december - attended MKP basic staff development training; relationship with heather ended; started attending aryaloka buddhist center; breastcancerstories.com benefit concert; kaki king concert; played with insects at my cousin, steve’s, birthday gig; ray lamontagne concert; trip to cincinnati for christmas; interviews, interviews, interviews

i never said i was good at brevity. this is the logistical update for my 2006. there are many emotions which accompany these events. i’ll save your eyes and get into those later.

have a great new year!! jump into the unknown…like scaredy squirrel.

peace and love,
greg

‘the departed’ and ’scaredy squirrel’

first things first, i saw ‘the departed‘ last night. it’s a great movie! if you can handle the violence and profanity, i highly recommend this one. the cast alone is awesome. usually, i’m not a leonardo decaprio fan, but his performance was outstanding. nicholson, damon, wahlberg, baldwin, sheen and more make the movie.

i did not, however, know ‘the departed’ is a remake of a japanese film named ‘infernal affairs.’ martin scorsese adds his personal touch to this remake. i believe his characters and the film really flows (although there are many twists). can the guy make a bad movie about organized crime? i think not.

’scaredy squirrel’ is another story. before seeing the movie last night, i was perusing the streets and shops of portsmouth with my friend, chiara. we did some shopping and eventually landed in river run bookstore. one of the staff picks was a book named ‘scaredy squirrel.’

being in a playful mood, i grabbed the book and started reading it aloud. chiara and i had a bunch of laughs. we found that ’scaredy squirrel’ is a children’s book with a great message for kids of all ages.

’scaredy squirrel never leaves his nut tree. he’d rather stay in his safe and familiar tree than risk venturing out into the unknown. the unknown can be a scary place for a squirrel.’

how is that like some of our lives? how often do i want to stay safe versus experiencing the unknown?

eventually, scaredy squirrel is confronted with his greatest fear and ‘…realizes that nothing horrible is happening in the unknown today.’ he doesn’t need his emergency kit and he even changes his routine to include a daily ‘jump into the unknown.’

i’m inspired by scaredy squirrel. this cute, little book is a great reminder for me. i will keep jumping into the unknown.

while my life is filled with uncertainty, nothing horrible is happening in the unknown today. if i can step into my fears, i can realize a whole new world of possibilities.

i apologize if i ruined the story for anyone

jumping into the unknown of today…
greg

a day without a blog…

i was busy today and the blog suffered a postless day. this might be the first postless day, but i’m not sure. quite frankly, it’s not worth checking.

thursday was a good day. i woke up somewhat early to field a phone call from a recruiter. the recruiter is attempting to place me with the software firm in beverly, ma. this morning, the recruiter and i were putting the final touches on my prep work surrounding a phone call i was making to the software company.

the software company asked me to assume the role of the job for which i’m interviewing and sell them one of their products (as a step in the hiring process). it was your basic role playing scenario and it went very well. my next interview is set up for early next week in beverly. i’m excited about this opportunity. wish me well.

at noon today, i had an interview in concord, nh with the regional manager for a medical/surgical products company. this is an outside sales position covering new hampshire and maine. it’s a great opportunity, but i’m not sure my background is what they’re looking for in a candidate. we shall see.

i touched base with my former counselor/therapist/elder this afternoon. basically, we had a phone session in lieu of an office session. he’s a great and grounded resource for me on my spiritual path. we talked about work, relationships, MKP and much more. I miss his counsel and the counsel of other guides on my path.

finally, i visited my MKP i-group tonight. we meet every thursday from 7-10pm. we follow a similar structure most nights. as a general rule, we work through ’rounds’ that cover the four masculine archetypes of the human psyche (developed by carl jung): king, warrior, magician and lover.

without saying too much (this might be the first time), i am given an opportunity to look at how i’m feeling, my integrity and any big issues in my life. this happens on a weekly basis and feels awesome. sharing my feelings and my life with other men brings me great joy. my work in MKP is a huge source of joy in my life.

this was most of my thursday. what bowl games did i miss? i need to get a grip on the bowl schedule, so i don’t miss any good games.

go bucks!

p.s. - u of cincinnati plays in the international bowl…whatever that is. also, my official stance is strongly in favor of bobby knight being the all-time winningest coach in men’s basketball history.

gravitas, intensity or something else??

grav·i·tas - seriousness or sobriety, as of conduct or speech; heaviness; substance; weightiness.

in·ten·si·ty - a high degree of emotional excitement; depth of feeling; the amount of energy transmitted.

are some of my posts too heavy? do they carry too much substance? is their intensity too great? does sharing at this level make people uncomfortable?

these are things about which i wonder. of course, not all posts have the same level of gravitas. ‘bugday pics’ doesn’t measure up to ‘rollin solo….’ i get that.

however, i sometimes wonder if i’m typing to read my own thoughts out loud. i’m not seeking validation through this blog. that’s not my intention. nor am i writing this piece in an effort to stimulate more comments. not a concern.

why then am i taking up our valuable time and valuable digital space with this piece? hmmmm. the truest thing i can say about it - i have doubts about expressing myself in this way. i’m not going to stop, but i have my doubts.

that’s my truth and that’s where my head is, in this moment. i want you to know me more deeply. i want to know you more deeply. i’m modelling the kind of personal sharing and risk taking that can happen in relationships.

i’m taking this risk so you might find something in me with which to connect. hopefully, you’ll take a risk and reach out. i’m taking this risk to let you know it’s ok to share at depth. if you’re looking for a safe place to bring all of you, you’ll find it here. jump in.

i feel complete on this thought.

onward into the unchartered,
greg

admiration and sadness…

i’ve been thinking about my ex-girlfriend, h, yesterday and today. she’s back in biloxi, mississippi to volunteer/lead volunteers in more hurricane katrina reconstruction. the area is still devastated from last year’s hurricane. it will be a long time before biloxi and other areas recover from this natural disaster.

back to h. i admire her greatly for ‘being the change’ she wants to see in the world. ‘be the change’ is the title of her blog, and she’s living up to that lofty goal in her trips to mississippi. i admire her for making the world a better place through her thoughts, actions and words.

she’s a smart cookie and she has a great heart. she has been championing this cause for over a year now. this is her fourth (i think?) trip to the gulf area. h is a living example of ‘walking one’s talk’ rather than just talking about something and doing nothing. for this and many other reasons, i admire her.

i have some sadness that my fears have limited my opportunities to support h on her journey. i had fear around sharing my true feelings with h. my reluctance and inaction left her feeling unappreciated and disconnected from me. i realize i created (my role in) this situation with my fears.

h chose to end our relationship. i hold no grudges around this decision. her needs weren’t being met and i wasn’t making an effort to understand what those needs were. we both could have communicated more effectively. i take my appropriate share of the responsibility for our disconnect.

there are lessons for me in this. i realize i can do a much better job of sharing and displaying my emotions in a relationship. i sold the relationship and myself short by holding back my feelings. i don’t know if being more open would have changed the ultimate outcome, but it would have felt much better for me (and for h).

basically, i know i have plenty of work to do on me. i’m going to continue on this, my unique path, and continue to get better. mark my words, people

in closing, pray in celebration and support for h and her efforts in mississippi. she and others like her are doing a great service to this country and the world. like her, we can be the change we wish to see in the world. let’s make it so.

peace and love,
greg

another opportunity….

southwest airlines provided me with another opportunity for a blog. this time it’s a delay in columbus. my connecting flight goes into philly again. ugh. the philly airport seems to be a huge mess these days. no biggie though, just a delay.

my trip to cincinnati was great! i am full with love, joy and connection that comes from spending quality time with family and friends. most of my family is well. i have one cousin (my father’s cousin) who is back in chemotherapy. we’re all praying.

chemo or not, we had a great celebration at their home on christmas day. this was one of four stops i made on christmas. christmas eve was jam packed with my usual two stops — family and bio-family. more on this later.

for now, i’m remembering the hugs, the laughter and the joy on the young ones’ faces. i love coming home to all of my relatives and friends. thank you for your warmth and your love. i always feel love flowing around me when i’m home.

hopefully, i’m boarding soon. i’m going to prepare in advance, so i’m not the one holding us up

be well,
greg

which is true?
a. i'm en route to columbus
b. i feel connected
c. i'm filled with love and joy
d. i'm buying ohio state gear
e. all of the above

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santa is hard at work…

according to NORAD, santa is tracking across michigan as i type. they could use a good christmas up there. the ohio state buckeyes crushed their chances of a happy new year i’m checking the window…

p.s. - about my luggage…

my luggage arrived at my doorstep on saturday morning around 5am. it was delivered by courier from columbus to cincinnati. (i fly in and out of columbus this trip.) it was a cheap southwest flight. i get what i pay for ok. i’m done now. i have my clothes and i’m happy. ciao.

merry christmas!

it’s the morning of christmas eve. it’s also sunday morning. i’m feeling some excitement and i’m also feeling a tinge of guilt around not going to church this morning. thank you catholicism for the guilt

honestly, the guilt is not around going to church or not. it’s about choosing not to connect with the people at my former church. i chose to sleep in and write this blog instead of connect with people.

while part of me is honoring ‘where i am’ right now, there’s a part of me that likes the solitude. another part of me doesn’t want to go through the ‘hassle’ of explaining that i’m between jobs and not in a relationship.

that’s my truth in this moment. i’m experiencing some guilt and some shame. these are likely to change in the next moment. in fact, i’m feeling a different energy in this moment just by ‘outing myself’ and sharing. how’s that for instant gratification?

i’m finding that, sometimes, i have to process one or two feelings in order to go where i want to go next. sometimes, there are small blockages in the way of what i really want to express. other times they are big blockages. either way, the energy begins to flow once i’m more clear. thanks for reading through my mini-debriefing on what just happened

on to christmas. i’m really looking forward to connecting with my family. i did not come home for thanksgiving. i missed seeing everyone and want to take advantage of our time together. i’m not sure what this will look like, but i’m feeling the excitement of our upcoming gatherings.

i changed my gifting practices this year. i did so in an effort to make an incremental change. maybe there will be another incremental change next year. i’m not sure. either way, i’m hoping to evolve my christmas seasons into a time of deep connection with my family and an experience of giving to the larger community. my vision on this is still fuzzy, so there’s much more to come.

i’m feeling complete for the moment and also feeling a need to get outside and enjoy this beautiful day. it’s not a white christmas and that’s ok with me.

have a merry christmas, hanukkah, kwanzaa, solstice or whatever you choose to celebrate!

peace and love,
greg